Friday, July 04, 2003

4th of July and Friendly Fire(works)

4 July, 2003

Tonight was the 4th of July, and the only fireworks I heard was the negligent discharge of Fleischmann’s 9mm pistol only feet away from where I was sitting. That’s right, Mr. Perfection accidentally fired his pistol before coming in the door of my office. After hearing the shot fired, I knew it was a gunshot, and right outside the door. I would have never guessed it was him. The only thing that I could think was, ‘I hope no one got hurt.’ This is a serious offence in the Army, normally resulting in punishment. I can’t say I feel sorry for him. Earlier in the night, he had arrested another child for throwing rocks. Luckily I was able to film some of this, even though I missed the worst parts. So the kid, who I know, was sitting in a chair blindfolded. Later, Fleischmann came in, like a cat having found a mouse, and puffed his chest out and chewed his bubble gum in a cocky manner. They really enjoy scarring rock-throwing kids. I made sure to videotape all I could. Later, some people told me they were glad I was recording some of what is going on. One officer said, “They were acting weird because I refused to yell at the kid!” Going back to the other child who was arrested, Barton told me he was giving the terrified prisoner candy and comforting him when an NCO or officer would step out of the cell. When one of the cats would come back in, Barton had to act sternly towards the mouse. I’m just glad I got some of this on tape, just to show it is real. Fleischmann ended up getting a “black eye” in a sense tonight, and child prisoners seemed so trivial compared to a dangerous and mindless firing of a pistol around all of us that work for him. What goes around always comes around.
Today we drank fake beer and ate like kings. We deserve it. I’m thankful that we are being taken care of on such a holiday. I really don’t even know where today went. I just sat, wrote you, thought of you, dreamed of you, felt so close to you. This day I just left my body and stayed with you all day. Actually, this is the second day like this, I just feel asleep even though I’m awake. Everyday is the same, with the same idiot people, in the same messed up country. If it wasn’t for you, I would have lost my mind by now. I love you so dearly, SO MUCH! My thoughts are always on you and making the best of where I am. I know thought that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That is important to remember here. I trust in God, and I trust he’ll take care of us – and that I do trust, that I know for a fact, especially after sitting by myself under the stars in St. Peter’s Square. I missed you so much that night, but I went there for us. I love you so completely Nora. I have never accepted a challenge so great as this, as I know you haven’t either. This is a labor of love so great, full of hope, happiness, and longing. I live for loving you Nora, and I look so fondly, and at the same time, ferociously on the day that I am set free and returned to you. All the energy I need to make a better life for us and make the best decisions with you, is building up inside of me like a blissful storm. Everyday, I fall more in love with you. I learn more about this world that will help us later in life, and I learn to make my own way amongst dull men. I appreciate life so much, but being here has made me realize how blessed I am to have you at my side with all of your love. I feel so lucky to even have the promise of our love together when I come home to you soon. Then most important thing in my life is you, and my proudest moment was asking you to marry me, and you saying yes. Nora, I’m so happy, overjoyed to have your love. I’ve learned here to value every step of mine, to love every sweet thought of you, to think of the future, our future always, and develop the vision and understanding needed to help guide us along safely in life, and to be a better man for you constantly. Nora, I am going to take care of you, you are my destiny. I am in Iraq, and soon I will be home – a better man for you, full of even more love and deeper appreciation for you. I am going to love you so greatly. I want the day to come when I am your loving husband, and you my loving wife. I will never let a second pass that I don’t let you know how special you are to me, how much I truly do live for you. When I come home, I am going to be so overjoyed because I’m not just coming home, I’m coming back to life, waking from a deep sleep once your lips touch mine again – and then I will be alive again. Everything that is happening here is happening for a reason, we may not know what it is now, but we should trust it’s for good. When I come home, we’ll be falling in love all over again, and this time I will never have to leave your side again. I LOVE YOU! My heart aches for you!


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